15 February 2009


Dear Readers,

(after three days on my blog, this video is only now taking hold in America and everywhere on blogworld)

I've missed soooo many planes, high speed trains (low speed Brian), buses and tram links, because I'm generally a nightmare when traveling anywhere. And this includes up the street to the shops. I leave myself only minutes to spare when catching any mode of transportation and my name is inevitably scratched out on the Terminal loud speaker at a barely audible decibel. 'Move your ass Gorrell' should be tattooed on my forearm.

My antiperspirant works triple time in all airports or in the bowels of any European train station.I always do the deodorant 'double coat' when I travel. Security.
Bless my toiletries.
I could lose everything else except for my soothing eye gel and Biotherm apricot scented body cream. It's oddly masculine.
I try to be organised, I really do.
Clarins all the way.
My skin is #1 when I travel.
I don't look this young without CONSTANT effort.

But this 'CRAZY' woman is truly over the top and I think it's great how the staff are so patient with her demonstrative hot mess behaviour.

I would have tazed her hysterical ass for sure!
I've felt like this woman inside many times, but I'd never show it in such a ballistic fashion. I have my own methods for coping.
I can cry like a baby in public, and no one would ever notice.
I need my sunglasses though, to be truly stealth.
I normally cry in the shower because I find as it's very therapeutic and no one can hear you.
I actually store some tears up, and let them go. Peaceful warm embracing tears.
Coldplay always makes me cry if I'm already on the verge. They tip me over the edge.
Yes, crying in the shower is the best way to cry I must say.
"Oh boo bloody hoo hoo mate" as my very butch Australian mate Tober says.
Tober is a tough bastard for sure. I doubt this mate of mine has ever cried.
He'll explode one day, I'm sure of it.

It's always my fault when I miss my flights and I know it.
But If I ever behaved like this traveler, I'd expect to be tazed as well.

I really do experience the opposite of OCD when I travel.
My brain turns to a mushy consistency.
I actually need to pin the ticket to my shirt so I don't lose it.
I do not do any pre-boarding exercises (fuck the self check in I say) and I avoid the 'do it yourself' baggage tag spit out computer machine that just looks like a complete nervous breakdown waiting to happen. I tremble at the sight of it. I look away.
Not a chance.
The person working at the check in counter can do all that because I already paid for my overpriced ticket. Soon they'll want you to fly yourself there as well.

I've left my passport in a MacDonald's in Malaysia while in full foggy travel mode due to my preoccupation with the anxiousness I get in the pit of my stomach whenever I travel. It could have been the MacDonald's though.....

If it weren't for my boyfriend, I'd never catch my flights and that's true.
He's the master organizer and uses his incredible texting talent to great effect.
I'm like an eighty year old with Alzheimer's.
M should have blisters on his fingers, he's so fast at texting.
He programs reminder alarms in my phone because I'm that bad.
He books everything on line in a masterful way where as my eyes glaze over like a deer in headlights if the task is mine.
I'm a complete air head when I'm dragging luggage behind me.
The only true talent I have is flirting with the check in staff so I don't have to pay extra baggage which I ALWAYS have.
And it usually works. I find compliments on a woman's jewelery works with great effect.
And the gays (I always pray for one) fall apart when I rock on up with my smile.
They are defenseless against my charm.
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