10 March 2009

Earth Calling Barbie

Happy Birthday Barbie


While net surfing today, I realized that there are two famous icons celebrating their birthdays this month. They both need to be celebrated for different reasons.


Not BryanBoy OR Chikatime.

But you can read Part 2 about BB in today’s edition of Victorina.


As I said, two icons are celebrating their birthday in March.

One is a gadget. And a controversial one at that.

For it would take more than a century later and not less than the US House of Representatives to pen a resolution in order to resolve a dispute, and acknowledge the contribution of another man towards its invention.

It’s that thing that most of us don’t leave home without. It’s both a blessing and a curse. But without it, we’re doomed! And whether we admit it to ourselves or not, the thing is, most of us can’t live without it. And don’t we just love using it?

Yes, it’s the telephone!

the worlds first official phone

Of course, the tiny bits of plastic of today do not bear any resemblance to the contraption that was invented way back then. It would take years and years of research and development before the 1st consumer-end telephone came into service. You know, the one with a rotary dial?

Telephones have always been wired and plugged into wall socket until the 80’s, when another improvement to the telephone happened. The mobile phone was born, and the dawn of wireless communication started. When it first appeared, mobile phones were anything BUT mobile. At least, to me it isn’t.

the first mobile phone

The phones probably weighed a ton and they were bigger than a brick! Can you imagine any of the Hollywood stars clutching this monstrosity during, say, Oscar night? What about the Grammys? Twittering is out of the question.

Hmm. Well, Rihanna would have probably been around the Grammys if she had one of these old style mobile phones handy, and beau-turned-bad boy Chris Brown would have been the one black and blue. Can't wait to hear 'their' new single which is apparently being recorded as I type this. So messed up I reckon. What kind of message is this sending to young girls around the world? Go back to your man, after he beats you? I guess so.

I LOVE my classic Motorola phone.

Anyhow, thanks to technology, mobile phones of today have become so much smaller and lighter that somehow, your phone has become an integral part of you. One is never without it. And with the decrease in size comes an increase in functionality. Tons and tons of technology bundled into today’s mobile phones. Things like SMS, address books, contact lists, media player, digicam, videocam… Whew! I’m rolling my eyes just thinking about it. I have yet to master my Motorola but I love it.

Yet, with all these advances made on this tiny piece of hardware, one function remains. It is so basic, yet so essential, and I think it is the very reason why the phone was invented.

To be able communicate.

In today’s world of chat, emoticons and texting, nothing can take the place of the human voice in conveying our true feelings towards another. When I feel troubled, I just call my mum and listen to her speak. Just hearing her sweet voice brings to me all the comforting I need. All my feelings of sadness and loneliness dissipate whenever I hear my boyfriend talk to me on the other line from miles away. Somehow, the distance doesn’t seem that far, for I feel like he is just beside me. And when I’m anxious and stressed-out, a call from a friend will surely always assure me that everything will be alright.

It has the power to connect people. The telephone. And although the debate on who really invented it remains to be resolved, one thing is certain. Whether it’s Mr. Bell or Mr. Meucci, there is no doubt that this wonderful piece of equipment continues to have a tremendous impact in our lives. It connects us to the people we love, and it makes our world smaller. In our hands, we are afforded the power to communicate to others. And that fact is indisputable.

Thank you, telephone. Happy birthday!


Happy Birthday Barbie

When you grew up in a lower-middle class family like I did, where your family’s typical shopping list is always pared down to a veritable “Survivor: Thunder Bay” must-have-or-else basics (meaning, food and clothes), you can be assured that expensive toys aren’t included in the must-haves except for Christmas when my parents would pile on the prezzies and we would usually get the #1 gift we prayed for. We were seldom upset on Christmas morning. Somehow my mother and father always had money around Christmas time. Us kids didn't ask too many questions. We just opened the presents and lived every second of it.

Believe me, names of toys are stricken off the shopping list before pen even meets paper. And that includes the most celebrated doll of our time, who incidentally celebrated her 50th birthday yesterday. I don't ever recall seeing one in our home while growing up.


Now, I may be gay, but NEVER in my life have I ever imagined myself playing with girly doll. As popular as the 'less than a pound in weight' plastic femme fatale figurine was back then (and, apparently, till now), I never asked for or owned a Barbie, let alone DARED to take one of my sisters 'fake' Barbies when I was a young boy. Barbie did nothing for me until I became an adult. Now I love Barbie and what she represents.

She's the ultimate fag hag with her own bloody motor home. Barbie has the Bling Bling too.

Lucky bitch. Barbie's sooooo loaded.

And the girl can dress up a storm and somehow her shoes ALWAYS match her bag. It's like a little miracle every time she steps out of her Barbie Salon looking as young as the day her first toxic petroleum body form was extruded from the first plastics mold machine from ancient times long gone by. She's hot!

My sister was a complete monster to me and we never played together. Hahaha. We did try to kill each other a few times. Ahhh, good times. Great memories.....

I say, not that boys and dolls are a bad thing. Quite the opposite in fact. If I had boys of my own, I'd let them have and be whatever they wanted to be.

It’s just that it was never my thing. I was a real boys boy.

Rough and tumble and I loved it.

Besides, there are certain things that you didn't do in my house. Like, getting caught with a doll OR a teddy bear in my hand. My dad STOLE my teddy bear time and time again and finally gave it away to my cousins. We went there for dinner once and I was playing downstairs in theor dark gloomy damp basement and lo and behold I see my precious teddy bear on the floor WET from the water tank run off. My dad was such an evil prick for taking my bear because it ended up alone on the floor....WET! I STILL can't talk about it with my mother without getting very upset. I was only FIVE years old. I'll never forgive him for taking my bear. I still see it on the basement floor.

My bear.

You simply DO NOT see boys playing with dolls where I'm from. I didn’t 'fit' in Thunder Bay.

Like, right now, I tried to picture myself with a Barbie at hand as a kid, dressing her up with all those frilly pretty dresses and things like that…shoes and jewels not to mention her hair.

NO WAY! It was not for me, although…

I do remember my friends deliciously manly muscled GI Joe 'figurine' which always gave me a bit of a stir inside.... and I distinctly remember being so disappointed when I finally checked down his camouflage pants and found that GI Joe had no penis. Just a bump, like Barbie's bump. Just a plastic bump.

Hot sexy manly GI Joe who has no penis.

I so wanted him to have a penis. My first real disappointment as a gay kid.

Even as a small boy, I knew what I wanted.

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