Brothers

My family

Hello there

Just been thinking about you a lot and wondering how you are doing. I really enjoyed the time we got to spend together in Thunder Bay. I know there is nothing I can say to take away the hurt that I have caused you in the past. I have no excuse for any of my actions or any of the words that I used to hurt you. All I can say is that I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. I would like to really focus on the future and not dwell on the past. I just want you to know that I love you and that I really appreciate the man you have become. You are a survivor and you may not believe me when I say this but you truly are my hero. What you have lived through and how you have been able to survive it, to me is amazing. I am just sorry that I added to the struggles you have had to endure. But let's move on and not just be my brother but I want to be your friend. I Love You Brian.

_______________________________

Brother dear,

Your sweet thoughtful note had a profound effect on me for many reasons and I thank you for taking the time to express yourself in such a tender way. Any brother would be overwhelmed at receiving such a heart felt message from their sibling.

Having a brother is a real gift and I'm so lucky to have one of my own.

In Australia I always knew I had a brother back home.
I just never 'felt' it until now.

Due to irrational reactive mistakes I've made in the past, I now often wait a couple days before responding to something so rich and textured in it's composition as your message is.
As a writer, I can tell you that you posses a very nice natural honest flow in the way you communicate and your true self really lifts the script and the spirit of your intention.

To see this grounded oft humorous aspect shining through creates yet another electric conduit between us.

A passion for the word and for humour.

I was so impressed with you and your keen sense of humour which also emanates from your two girls whom I adore. I was a bit overwhelmed at first being back home as I'm not used to being around our family.

I only ever wanted you all to like me when I came home.

To accept me.

To love me.
To need me.

Growing up in Australia was wonderful brother but also very difficult without my blood family around me. Of course I know it was my decision to move overseas and I understand that.
But I want you to know that I paid a huge price for that decision in that I was so far from those exact people who grounded me upon this earth for twenty five years.
My family.
You.

My life has been amazing brother but so has yours.

You have children and I do not.

You will have grandchildren and I will not.

So dear brother, I need you to lend me yours over the next ten or twenty years.

I need to be loved again after feeling unloved for far too long.

I'm so beyond happy that you and our sister have children.

For mummy and for myself.

Over the many years we have been apart, I've 'adopted' many people in a futile attempt to replace you, our sister and our father to help plug the massive voids your mutual absence's left in my young needy heart. But it turns out dear brother that nothing fills this type of void, other than the actual thing or time period which helped to create it.

It had to go full circle for us to realize that we need each other darling brother, so smart funny and sensitive,

Tear streaks upon your red cheeks.
I need you and I love you.
I'm also very very proud of you.
I'm in awe of what you have.
I'm beyond green with envy that you have your own family.

Being around you four was a soul binding experience for myself and I left Thunder Bay a whole person again.

I can't thank you enough for being there for me during the visit. I know I left feeling 100% healthier in my heart and my soul continues to benefit from our exchanges in our home town with mummy and sister.
I know our mummy is so happy to have had us all in her home for the pictures capturing that magical moment.

Our family reunion.

The pictures turned out exactly the way I wanted them brother.

Thank you so much for capturing that special moment for all of us in attendance.

Only together, you and I can make our future a dynamic one, blended together once again as brother and spirit mates.

Love Brian

Cowlick - A Poem

Cowlick

by Brian Gorrell

I worry...

with worthiness my fast foe

to question the breadth of - you and your dark court

..and his - your young majesty of such piousness and brownness

hardly neglected ever

your body on the goodness strewn straw

rest knowing you are great but hardly rare

like icebergs never seen

the dark egg among white ones

while I am crisp plain and turned around

run run run fall...- repeat

never once defeated and cruel with the tightest of heart strings

but nay a single silk strip round my script, caucus

or person

Pride coming last was never an option

foreseen by all

a given

Been warned you

you too

I'm brittle fragile for the bitter shower

Chilling so easy and shout

shrunken and froze

One may reject all proper reasoning and food

for no reason other but the habit or boredom

or fullness of gut

or that silly fear pounding-

for nutrients that heal-

supposedly

those purple insecurities showing - I know I know I am I know I am THAT gypsy

that the real gypsies did not want

with their flash armour but rags dirty

no protection or answers and ..... defeated

the flesh that covered my hide?

what of it?

this imprint upon this universe

yours

the lotus upon my back.. trying

your passionate saliva coating my lids with the flicker

of an angel lash

fallen down far to that dream

where the currents are only powerful

all consuming

my body is this body bared and broken and brave

It's angry sweat and gross neglect a judgment?

your truth

your love

your everything

In a bag.

Recyclable.

I've been once there, maybe twice

crippled like a lamb - no milk on that paddock

over there on the lit moons crest reflections of duty and obey

shivering and wondering, bleating even and very hungry

praying like a lamb does flow

into nothingness and shiver-

what is to become of me...?

that bleating lamb

(wolves bound to catch my vulnerable scent

and stars dim just a bit)

knowing

bad of the blooding

yet still alive

warm still

I'm a lamb yes

and a man yes

but I'm also a boy lost and yes

lost- who is embarrassed?

to be this different, angry

this indifferent

this different?

then the man you really dream about...

that man out there

a King or sorts

and when our snow arrives I look up

imagining your graces are the flakes

individual perfection but brief

thy own tongue plunges deep out desperately trying to catch anything

at all

David Kato, Uganda Gay Activist, Brutally Slain

KAMPALA, Uganda (AP) — A prominent Ugandan gay rights activist whose picture was published by an anti-gay newspaper next to the words "Hang Them" was bludgeoned to death. Police said Thursday his sexual orientation had nothing to do with the killing and that one "robber" had been arrested.

Activists were outraged over the death of David Kato, an advocacy officer for the gay rights group Sexual Minorities Uganda. His slaying comes after a year of stepped up threats against gays in Uganda, where a controversial bill has proposed the death penalty for some homosexual acts.

Kato, who had received multiple threats, was found with serious wounds to his head caused by an attack with a hammer at his home late Wednesday in Uganda's capital, Kampala. Kato later died on the way to the hospital.

"Our thoughts and prayers are with his family, friends, and colleagues," U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton said. "We urge Ugandan authorities to quickly and thoroughly investigate and prosecute those responsible for this heinous act. David Kato tirelessly devoted himself to improving the lives of others.

Human Rights Watch called for an urgent investigation, saying that Kato's work as a prominent gay rights campaigner had previously seen him face threats to his personal safety.

"David Kato's death is a tragic loss to the human rights community," said Maria Burnett, senior Africa researcher at HRW. "David had faced the increased threats ... bravely and will be sorely missed."

A Ugandan tabloid newspaper called Rolling Stone listed a number of men they said were homosexuals last year, including Kato. Kato's picture was published on the front page, along with his name and a headline that said "Hang Them."

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