27 June 2008

Good Bye Bethel Park

I'm beyond sad today. I'm almost numb. Yes I've been crying.
I went to bed with tears and woke with them too.
But I AM a man and will get through everything. I will not look back when I pull away from the farm this afternoon. I will just look ahead.
I have to be strong for my dogs, and our twelve hour drive to Sydney.

Looking at Lucy and Pickles in bed this morning was hard.
My babies are so unbelievably amazing.
They have warm chocolate eyes you can lose yourself in.
I had a face bath this morning from their licks and smooches.

I think I kissed them a million times. Maybe two.
I'm feeling incredible proud this morning, looking around the farm and at my animals.
If I died tomorrow, I would leave the earth happy. I'm both fulfilled as a human being and loved as a fellow man, and my doggies daddy of course.

When DJ scammed me and fleeced me of my savings, he took so much more away from me than just my moulah.
He damaged my heart, pierced dreams, yes, he did snatch away my economic security, and for a while, my self esteem and sense of purpose and structure.
But there is one thing Delfin did not get his grubby little hands on.
And that's my most humble and gracious possession. My spirit.
That is safe and sound and always will be.
In the vault.
And because of that, I have slowly re built my life.
Most will never know what I went through with DJ.
I've tried to tell my story on my blog.
The only way I know how.
With brutal honesty.
I am exposed now.
And I regret not one single word on this blog.
This ground breaking blog that I am SO proud of.

I snapped these images of the farm from Google Earth. I'm so happy to have these great satellite pictures. I wanted to show TEAM BRIAN where I lived.

1. Starting at the top, you can see my house in the very middle of the picture. On either side of me live my wonderful neighbours. I've been so blessed to have the perfect community to live for seven years.

2. In this photo, my farm is at Wanganui.

3. In this photo, Wanganui is also in the very middle of the shot. You can see that I lived deep in the rain forest. Let me tell you something dear readers. Wanganui is the most beautiful place in Australia. Yes I'm biased, but who cares.

I won't deny it. I'm concerned for my self at the moment.
I'm trying so hard to process my new reality. Its all come so fast.
I see my boyfriend in three days.
We speak two or three times a day.
TEAM BRIAN have every reason to be proud of themselves.
I've felt the love, compassion and understanding over the last four months.
Blessed me.

But soon, I will be held again, tightly.
Hugged again, tightly. Kissed again, tenderly.
Touched again. Finally!
Whole again.



At last.


Love Brian
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