18 June 2008

My Mini Me

born for the camera

I have a tremendous group of friends here in the rain forest.
And I've been so lucky to have watched their children grow up from birth.
Its very sad not to have my own children. I would be a brilliant dad... I've been told.
My doctor told me last week that HIV positive men can still have children.
There is a process, and it's more common now compared to before.
But personally, I would never do that.
Unless I was rich and knew I could leave lots of money behind.
With HIV, I could still have twenty years with a son or daughter.
But I could also die early.
Goodness knows, I have been asked many times to father children with friends.
Before I became positive of course.
No one wants my sperm now!
Well, potential mothers anyways.
I always said no.
Now I wish I had said yes.
I would do anything for a child now.
I would love to be a dad.

I'm very lucky because even though I'm leaving Bethel Park, my friends will always have open arms for me, if I ever choose or had to come back.
They have made that point quite clear to me.
But I'm not coming back here.
I know that.
They're having a going away party for me next week.
I can't wait.
I've been through periods of illness here on the farm, and my friends have always rallied around me. Before my mum migrated to Australia, she had already made three previous mercy dashes to my side.
At one point we were told I may not survive a particularly harsh infection.
She stayed with me for three months. At my bed side.
I'll see her soon.
My mother and friends know I would always be there for them if the situation was reversed.
I've crossed the globe for friends.
No worries.

This photo is already very special to me, even though it was taken only today in town.
I've known
Oshi since his birth. I have many pictures of us together.
This kid ADORES me. Hahaha. He just holds on and will not let go.
Kids just love me because I'm fun and I know how to horse around with them.
My nieces are brilliant.
Gorgeous and funny and little ladies really.
My sister is a great mother.

Today we all met up in town for some laughs.
When I went to take his picture he said,
"Hold on Brian, I have to check my hair"
I said, "It looks great dear".
He replied, "Do you really think so, or are you just saying that"


These kids are just precious to me. And precocious as well.
I'm sharing so much on the blog really.
I'm very emotional at the moment.
Bare with me for the next few weeks.
I'm stressed out.
I'm sharing private special things. The things that make me who I am.

I'm leaving in twelve days.
And its all happening so fast.
Today I had to stop and enjoy the wonderful atmosphere that only children can create.
I always feel great for having spent time with them.

Children and the elderly.
Both wonderful.

...... So he fixed his hair and informed me he was ready now for the photo.
I love it!
He is neurotic about his fashion as well.
Never mixes prints his mother told me. Ever.
He insists that his clothes be washed and pressed.
His parents bought him
crocs, and he REFUSES to wear them.
They're still in the box.
"No way" he said to me.
You have to love this kid.
He really is my mini me.

I told her today, "You know I think he might be gay dear"
And his mom said, "I can only hope" She has four other kids. She can afford to lose one to the other team. Their Jewish. She knows she will already have heaps of grand kids from the other four.

A mother always knows if her child is....... as my dear dead Lola put it, not right.
My mother made a joke one day. She told me that once she left my bedroom when I was a baby.
She said she came back and I had re arranged the contents of my crib. I had made more space. I would ignore the stuffed toys I did not like. My mother told me I would SCREAM to be put INTO the crib. I loved being alone. My mother fluffed my bed pillows when I was a child. I could not sleep until she came in the room to fluff my pillows. She still fluffed them when she lived here. I loved it. Spoiled I was. hehehehe

cuter then a puppy dog

Oshi also insists that his pillows be fluffed.

I don't think so.


Three of his fathers siblings are gay (two fags, one dyke), so it's in the blood.
There is a bit of homosexuality in everyone.
I am so proud of my friend who could care less if her children were gay, or purple or striped.
Gay kids can be hilarious. They exist and often stand out. People need to realize that young gay people often struggle in the world. Catch them young and help them to nurture their true selves. Shame is wrong. Its your shame, not theirs. Keep it to yourself if that's the case.
The last thing anyone needs is further marginalization in an already chaotic emotional life. All gay adults were once gay children. And all gay children were once gay babies.
And all gay babies were once gay fetus's.
I don't get the debate. Wake up and embrace all humanity.
Not just the ones who are like you.

The young gay kid (Justin) on Ugly Betty is a riot.
Will and Grace also had a young gay character in its final season. He was brilliant and true to life.
They have both been nominated for an Emmy.
They are gay in real life as well.
Both under the age of fourteen.
Courage in the face of ignorance.
Ground breakers.
Soul makers.

I told my parents I was gay when I was eight years old.
So gay kids are real. I'm real.
I know that if any of my friends children grow up to be gay, they will be happy.
Because they know me. They see how wonderful a life a gay person can have.
They know from my example that the differences are subtle at the end of the day.

All children adore me. I talk to them in a special way. I just love kids. Especially polite ones. My mother also told me that as a child, babies would want to be with me. People would just be amazed at how great I was with babies.
My mother tells me I was a VERY good boy.
And she raised me.
So she should know.

perfect gardenia in cast iron urn
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