14 January 2009

Dear DJ

Dear DJ,

I woke up this morning in tears and I'm not happy about it.
I'm afraid and nervous and you know full well that his could have been avoided.
But here I am.
More terrified now than ever.
It went away for a bit, but now it's back.
Full force.
Not that you've ever cared , about me or my health.
You only ever wanted my savings.
And when they were gone, so were you.
I'm TRYING so hard to be dynamic here mate, but you've really messed up my life.
It's not just the money you scammed.
It's so much more.

How can you live with yourself?
You have my 70,000 dollars.
And you've returned not ONE cent to me.
Not a penny.

How can your family accept what you've done?
HOW could they not make you give it back?
They traded my 70,000 dollars for their self respect and dignity.
Their pride won over their sensibilities.
The disgraced Montano clan.

You see DJ, the thing I was fearing the most is already tapping me on the shoulder.
My health.
And you KNEW this was a big concern of mine.
You WATCHED me take handfuls of pills everyday.
And still you took everything.
The pain is excruciating DJ.
And the sense of failure and embarrassment is at times overwhelming.
I can't even talk about it with my mum now.
It's too painful.
Because she worries.
Like crazy.
Her smartest kid ended up being the dumbest.

I had to go to the hospital today.
I'm in a deep thick moist fog.
My health is everything at the moment.
And I have no security.
No hope that you'll ever give it back.
And at times I feel as though I have no future.
Because money is very important for a guy like me.
Nearly 39 years old, and I have to look in the mirror every single day.
And remember that I HAD money.
I could have done so much with it.
Before you.

How do you do it?
Over and over again.

My nurse told me to relax, but I can't.
She showed me how to self administer a needle and I nearly got sick.
I just can't fucking believe it.
First HIV.
Then you.
And now diabetes.

How am I to cope without my money DJ?
Why DJ?
Honestly, I want to bawl again and again and again.
But I won't.
I've shed enough tears over my stupidity.
Over you.

But I want you to know this DJ, because it costs a lot of money to run my health.
Money that I do not have now.
You left me humiliated and broke.
Nothing more.
Not even my shoes.
My necklace.
My passport.

You planned the entire thing.

I NEED you to feel guilt.
I NEED you to pay me back.


The money you stole away from me would help to alleviate my pressures now.
It would pay for my medicine which so far costs over two hundred dollars a month.
I could have started a business with my savings.
A REAL business.

Oh DJ, my head hurts when I put the puzzle pieces together.
When you stole my passport.
When you took my ATM card and emptied my account.
You were supposed to take 5000 pesos for your plane ticket (which I paid for) and you made 18 withdrawals at 20,000 pesos each time.
But you didn't use an ATM.
You had the bank do it and store the money until you collected it.
You couldn't even STEAL my money on your own.
Always covering your tracks.
320,000 pesos.
From 5000 to 320,000.
I'm the biggest fool on earth.
I believed your explanation.
My immigration fees, right? Remember?

And you party in San Fransisco.
Like a rock star.

When you scammed me DJ, I was devastated.
The blog was six months later.
But I thought that I'd actually get the money back from you.
I really did.
Stupid right?
And when your mother did what she did, my soul was crushed.
Into a million pieces.
You truly are the devils child.

Marcel said, "Give him a few days Brian".
"I'll talk to him about it", he said.
"You'll get it back".

Really Marcel?

I waited and waited.
No one would return my calls.
My texts.
My pleas.
Too many of them to count.
Total humiliation.

I thought if I put the pressure on you DJ, after a while you'd break, and do the right thing by me.
After all I did for you.
Never denied you anything.
Gave you literally everything I could.
I borrowed from my mum for you.
The bank.
My farm.
I THOUGHT your mates would force you to pay me back.
They could have.
Especially the one who saw my money in your bag.
I begged her.
Deaf ears.

But you refused DJ.
And so did they.
You just took everything.
And they watched.
And your family watched you fleece me of everything.
And then they watched you leave the Philippines for America.
Will you also return in a wheel chair clutching your heart?
Checking to see if it's even there?

A not so friendly warning.
I'm coming for you DJ and your family.
You'll all face me one day.
In a real court.
I waited for you to come get me DJ like you told the nation you would.
But you can't.
Because you know and your family knows.
The truth.
You, Celine, Jackie and Marcel know.
All of you know.
I'm not fighting alone this time.
And I'm NOT afraid of any of you.
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