24 September 2010

Is Your Kid Gay?

At four years old, I was already showing glimpses of the direction my life would take...

As a ten year old, I was the gayest little homo anyone had ever seen!

Here are some dead give away hints that your kid might be gay.

When your son is done taking a bath, he drapes a yellow towel over his head, runs his hands through his beautiful blond hair, and informs you he'll only answer to the name "Charisse."

Your daughter spends more time in ballet class trying to make sure the bar is properly affixed to the wall than learning first position.

At your son's first tee ball practice, he asked all his teammates if they are pitchers or catchers.

The first thing on your daughter's Christmas list is flannel shirts. The second is a bond for college tuition. (Smith is expensive!)

No matter what your gay party planner friends tell you, a boy asking for Broadway legend Betty Buckley to perform at his ninth birthday party is not common at all.

Your daughter insists on sleeping on top of her Dora the Explorer bed spread, not under it.

When your daughter plays "House," she pretends to be an annoying doctor with a pill-addiction and a limp.

Even though it's football, if your son has an obsession with either Tom Brady or Mark Sanchez, then he's totally a 'mo. Same goes for your daughter.

Your son tells you he wants to dress up for Halloween like his idol, Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart.

If you buy your daughter the overalls she's been asking for, you might as well just buy her the Meshell Ndegeocello CD to match.

Finding your son wearing his mother's high heels doesn't mean he's gay. Finding your son wearing his mother's "fiercest" high heels does.

Months ago, your daughter caught 5 minutes of Mad Men while you were watching it and she still asks about her "friend" Sally Draper.

Your kid requests a Justin Bieber haircut. This is true for children of both sexes.

Lacrosse is totally gay. Just sayin'.

If you ever voted for a homophobic Republican political candidate, your child is gay. Karma is a bitch like that.
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